An Untitled Poem

Sick. Tired. Lonely. Worried. Ashamed. Misunderstood. Disappointment. Behind.

My own versions of these words plague my heart and cripple my mind.

It’s an all too familiar feeling tonight.

I’ve been here before.

I feel my knees buckle, my body falls to the floor.

You hear my cries.

You see the ache in my soul.

Like a knot that cannot be untied,

A sinking weight,

A raging avalanche inside.

You answer my call, reach out to console,

As You have time and time before.

You remind me You’re here, constantly with me.

Always fully in control.

 “Although right now you don’t understand,

There is purpose in this,” You say. “Hold on. I have a plan.”

So I take those thoughts captive,

Heave them from down below to up above.

I find peace in Your presence, rest in Your promises,

I soak in Your love.

I block out all other voices, every lie, all other sounds.

I fix my eyes on the One whose knowledge and power know no bounds.

Take as much time as needed, Lord, to do what You want to do.

Prepare me, mold me, grow me, restore me, make me new.

Direct my gaze to the cross,

The ultimate demonstration of Your love,

A reminder to trust. 

Remind me that Your grace is and will always be enough.

Make me more confident of who I am,

More aware of who You are.

Help me to know You’re never too far.

Savior. Healer. Father. Provider. Protector. Teacher. Guide. Friend.

The One with whom life has no end.

Having faith in what I cannot yet see,

I bring it all to You, lay it down at Your feet.

Your will, not my own, I want to break through.

These days of rest, the time in between,

I’ll spend them seeking and chasing after You.

We sit together in silence for a while, You and I.

It’s a comfortable place, our secret space,

A peaceful embrace, a shelter in the storm.

I feel the chains break as I start to let go.

Slowly, but surely, those words begin to transform.

Loved. Forgiven. Saved. Free. Called. Known. Valued. Cherished. Set apart.

I breathe that in. I let it sink deep within.

It consumes every corner of my heart.

What I say next begins as a whisper

And crescendos to a shout.

Meant with more sincerity each time it leaves my lips,

Repeated until there is no trace of doubt.

“I thank You, Lord, and I trust You.

Show me more of what this season is meant to be about.” 

20 Things I'm Thankful For This Year

1. The Gathering. I'm thankful for how loved and welcomed I've felt from the moment I walked in the door; for how challenged, encouraged, and inspired I continue to be each week; for the wonderful people I've met and have begun to form relationships with; for how God's presence fills the room during incredible moments of worship; for how passionate the church is about Jesus and about being and making disciples; and for how much they truly love people. What God is doing in and through this church is real, powerful, and beautiful. I'm so honored and excited to be a part of it, and I'm beyond thankful to have found this church home.
   
   
2. My family. I'm thankful for my brother; for the incredible person he's turning out to be, for the ways I see God working in and through his life, for his musical talents, for our meaningful conversations, for his wit and sarcasm, and for his humility and his quiet confidence. I'm thankful for my sister; for her passion for life, for her advice, for her (often blunt) honesty, for her bold and quirky personality, for her incredible friendship, and for the unlimited amount of laughs that conversations and time spent with her provide. I'm thankful for my mom; for how she loves and cares for people with her whole heart, for her passion for God, for how I can talk to her about anything, for her gentle and genuine spirit, and for all of the ways that she is such an incredible role model. I'm thankful for my dad; for his encouragements, for how he has helped me and provided for me during this season (and all throughout my life), for his forgiveness, for his love of all things sports and Jayhawks, and for his unique sense of humor.
   
                        
   
3. All of the ways God has used this difficult season to grow and challenge me in my faith, as a person, and in my relationship with Him. I truly believe that this is and has been a season of preparation, even though I can't see or understand the full picture of that yet. I'm continuously amazed by how I can feel God working and sense His hand in all of it.
   
   
4. The entire team at Prairie Health and Wellness. Since my first appointment there, Dr. Jeff Davis and Dr. Kristen Marvin have made me feel seen, valued, heard, and encouraged. Even in the difficult moments, I've never once doubted their commitment to finding the root cause of my health problems. If you live in the Wichita area and are looking or a doctor who will truly care about you as a patient and a person, I couldn't recommend them more highly. I honestly don't know where I'd be without them.
   
   
5. Random acts of kindness. Whether I'm on the giving end, the receiving end, or a witness, it warms my heart when people are kind to one another for no reason other than to genuinely pass on a little more love and happiness. I've seen how much even the smallest of things can have an impact on someone's day. We need more of that in the world.
   
   
6. God's unconditional, everlasting, indescribable love and grace, of which I am so undeserving.
   
   
7. Nature. There's just something about going for a walk on a cool, breezy day that can instantly relax my mind and brighten my mood. I'd give about anything for a stroll on Sunset Beach in Cape Town right now, but the arboretum in town does pretty well too. :)
   
   
   
   
   
8. Hillsong music. If you haven't listened to Hillsong Worship's new "Let There Be Light" album yet, you need to. It'll lift your spirit and refresh your soul. I've had it on repeat for the last month, and I still can't get enough. I've found there's almost no better way to start off my day than with a little yoga, Hillsong music, and time with Jesus. I look forward to the day I'll be able to visit my Hillsong South Africa family and sing those songs with them in church.
   
   
9. The freelance writing and editing opportunities I've had during this season. Not being able to work a "normal" job during this time hasn't always been easy. Each freelance project has been an answer to prayer in more ways than one. I'm so thankful for the people I've worked with and for how I've been able to play a part in helping them share their stories.
   
   
10. Freedom and safety. I'm thankful that I get to choose how to live my life; that I can freely express my opinions and values; that I have easy access to education, health care, and everything that I want or need to survive; and that I can go to sleep at night feeling safe in my own home. I'm thankful for those who work and sacrifice to make that possible. It can be easy for me to start taking all of that for granted and to forget that so many people around the world are fighting daily for those things.
    
    
11. Genuine, Christ-centered friendships. I've realized this year, more than ever before, how having people in your life you can trust, count on, be accountable to, pray with, grow together with, laugh with, and be your full self with can make all the difference in the world.
    
    
12. Books that can sweep you up into an incredible story, that provide an escape from reality for a little while, that challenge you to think outside of the box, that teach valuable lessons, and that inspire. A few great ones I've read recently are "Midnight Jesus," "The Same Kind of Different As Me," and "Rooted."
    
    
13. That God has a plan and purpose for my life. For some reason, in the midst of all my mess, He wants to have a relationship with me and use me to further His kingdom. The weight and significance of that is overwhelming and incredible.
    
    
14. Photographs. I could spend hours looking through boxes of old pictures. Some of my favorite memories are stored in photographs and, as cheesy as it may sound, I'm thankful for the ability we have to capture those moments and keep them alive.
    
    
15. Netflix. Yes. Truly. There are moments that I have been so thankful for Netflix this year. Haha. On days where my body is just too tired to do much of anything, sometimes there's nothing I look forward to more than binge watching a few episodes of one of my favorite shows.
    
    
16. 86 Cold Press. If you haven't been to this wonderful little juice and smoothie bar in downtown Wichita, wait no longer. I have found no better cure for when my stomach is upset than their Root Down juice. It's like magic. Check them out next time you're in the area!
    
                    
    
    
17. Summit Church. I've been following along with their "The Whole Story" sermon series and reading plan since the beginning of the year. It's incredible how God has used some of JD's words to speak to me at just the right time. Two of his books, "Gospel" and "Jesus Continued" have also been an integral part of my faith journey.
    
    
18. Technology.  Although it can also drive me crazy at times, I'm thankful for how easy technology makes it to communicate. Many of my closest friends live across the country or halfway around the world, and I can't imagine not being able to maintain and build those friendships through Skype dates, iMessages, phone calls, and random voice notes.
    
    
19. How God sometimes answers prayers in the most beautiful, unexpected, and miraculous of ways.
    
    
20. Every person who has been praying for me, encouraging me, and supporting me throughout this season. Some of you have sacrificed and compromised a lot to walk with me on this journey. Some of you have been by my side each and every day, including the most frustrating and challenging ones. Some of you have been my prayer warriors. Some of you have been there to talk to me when I was feeling lost and confused. Some of you have dealt with me on days I've been a little more grumpy and unpleasant than I'd like to admit. Sometimes it has been the smallest things, like an unexpected hug or an encouraging text at just the right time, that have gotten me through difficult moments. For all those things and more, thank you. I know I don't say that enough. All of it has meant so much to me, and I appreciate it more than you know. I'm truly thankful for each and every one of you.

More Like Love

About a month ago, while full of excited and nervous anticipation, I got a tattoo on my right inner wrist that says “more like love.” The 20 minutes of fairly solid pain I endured ended up being more than worth it for something that holds such great meaning. To me, it’s a reminder of four things: God’s greatest commandment to us (Matthew 22:37, 1 Corinthians 13:13), His incredible love for us (John 3:16), the kind of person I hope to be, and what I want my life to look like. (It also happens to be the title of one of my favorite songs. You should give it a listen if you have a minute. )

Since getting the tattoo, I’ve felt God challenging me to dig further into what it represents and how I can apply that to my life. What, according to scripture, does love look like? What does it mean to love like Jesus loves? How can I start looking more like love on a daily basis?


1 Corinthians 13 gives us a great definition of love: “Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it is not proud. It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres” (4-7). 

Jesus’ entire life was a picture of that kind of love. He demonstrated this not only with his own friends and family, but also with every person he came in contact with. He ministered to, healed, ate with, reached, and did life with those who many people during that time thought He had no business going anywhere near. Those who, if we’re honest with ourselves, we might tend to avoid more than we seek to serve. 

When He took our place on the cross and died so that we could be given new life in Him, He showed us the ultimate expression of love. The message of the gospel is the greatest and most beautiful love story that has ever been and ever will be told. 

Love is serving without an agenda (Luke 6:35). Love is helping those who cannot do the same for us in return (Matthew 25:40). Love is showing humility and grace (Philippians 2:3). Love is caring for others the same way you would care for yourself (Matthew 22:39). Love is allowing God to work in and through us (Matthew 5:14-16, Philippians 2:13). Love is being the hands and feet of Jesus (1 Corinthians 12:27, 1 Peter 4:10-11). 

I think sometimes we assume that we don’t have the time, resources, or ability to devote to this definition of love. But this is far from limited to the big things – such as overseas mission trips, for example. Love can be shown and worked into our lives in many “smaller” ways too. Here’s a list of 10 simple yet meaningful ways that we can look more like love to those around us on a daily basis.

1. When you ask someone how they are, actually listen to their answer. I can’t even begin to count the number of times I’ve had a conversation that goes something like this: “Hey, how are you?” “Good, thanks. How are you?” “I’m great!” “Awesome!” And that’s that. I’ve found myself wondering how often we truly want to hear the answer to that question when we ask. Do we just ask it because we don’t know what else to say, or because it’s the easiest way to have a quick conversation while on our way to the next thing? And when someone asks us how we are, how often do we really feel safe enough to give them an honest answer?
   
   Of course, sometimes we are in a rush and don’t have time for a full conversation. But next time, if you have a few minutes, dig a little deeper. Maybe that person has had a rough day. Maybe they’re excited about something happening in their life. Maybe they’ve been needing someone to talk to. You don’t need to have the perfect response or advice. Sometimes genuinely listening and being there for someone can make all the difference. Aim to be the kind of person people can trust, confide in, and be their true selves with.
   
   
2. Pray for someone. Building off of the above, having more meaningful conversations with others can lead to knowing how you can be praying for them. Prayer is a powerful form of ministry. God hears our prayers (Jeremiah 29:12, 1 Peter 3:12). He tells us to pray and communicate with Him consistently (Romans 12:12). He encourages us to pray with and for one another (Matthew 18:19-20, James 5:14-16).
   
   
   Jentezen Franklin, senior pastor of Free Chapel Worship Center in Georgia, recently gave a message in which he spoke about five prayer essentials we learn from Jesus’ prayer life and how we can apply those to our own – “Make Up Your Mind To Pray.” It really encouraged me to start being more genuine and intentional in how I pray for others. Give it a listen!
   
   
3. Fulfill a need. If you find yourself with an opportunity to be of assistance to someone else, do so! This doesn’t mean that we neglect our own needs, but that we make a point also to be aware of the needs of others (Philippians 2:4, Galatians 6:10). Help a stranger carry their groceries. Buy someone a meal. Offer to watch someone’s kids for an evening. Ask your church, local homeless shelter, or local food bank how you can best assist them in serving the community. Find a cause you’re passionate about and get involved. Open your home. Give someone a ride. Take some cough drops and soup to a sick friend. The possibilities are endless. If you yourself can’t help them, direct them someone who can. You never know how something seemingly small to you could actually make a huge difference in someone else’s day.
   
   
4. Encourage someone. Our words hold an incredible amount of power, and we should use them to speak life to each other and build one another up (Proverbs 18:21, Ephesians 4:29). If someone is focused on their weaknesses, tell them about the strengths you see in them. Wish someone luck for a big event they have coming up. Compliment someone. Explain to someone how you see God working through them. Let someone know how much they mean to you or how they’ve made a difference in your life. Tell someone you believe in them. If you’re inspired by something a person does, don’t be shy about sharing that. There’s almost nothing better than hearing the right words at the right time, especially when you least expect it.
   
   
5. Let go of little pet peeves. We all have those things that annoy us. For example, it tends to bother me when dirty dishes get piled up in the sink or on the counter instead of getting rinsed and placed in the dishwasher. I’ve actually allowed it to ruin my mood when I wake up to a sink full of dishes. Sometimes this also leads to a negative attitude toward the “responsible party.” When I step back from it, I see how silly that is. It’s nothing to get upset over, and I could easily take a few minutes to do the dishes myself. So whatever that looks like for you, I encourage you to shake it off. Don’t make a big deal about it. Laugh about it. Show grace.
   
   
   “Do all that you can to live in peace with everyone” - Romans 12:18. (I’m sure Paul probably wasn’t thinking about dirty dishes while writing this letter to the early church but, hey, it kinda works.)
   
   
6. Seek to understand someone else's point of view. Think about how much it could positively change the way we communicate if we all first sought to understand where others were coming from instead of attempting to push our own ideas on them or trying to convince them that we’re right. There’d be more real conversations and less arguments. This doesn’t mean that we have to agree with them. It simply means that we value and respect them enough to genuinely listen to and consider what they have to say (Proverbs 18:2).
   
   “Most people do not listen with the intent to understand; they listen to reply.” – Stephen R. Covey
   
   
7. Trust someone with an important task. I was that person in college who had to put together the group PowerPoint or be the last one to read over a group paper. I needed it to be done right, and I was the only one I trusted to make sure that it was. I probably still am that person in a number of ways. I can have a hard time letting of go of things if the end result could potentially impact me in a negative way. I think trusting someone with something of importance to you definitely is a way of expressing that you value and believe in them. Having been on the receiving end of this before, I can tell you that it feels really good. (Practice good judgment here, of course, because there certainly are circumstances where it would not be wise to hand something over to just anyone.)
   
   
8. Forgive someone. This one is often much easier said than done, depending on the circumstance. It’s not always easy to let go when we feel someone has wronged us. Scripture makes it very clear in many ways that we are called to forgive others. “Then Peter came to Jesus and asked, ‘Lord, how many times shall I forgive my brother or sister who sins against me? Up to seven times?’ Jesus answered, “I tell you, not seven times, but seventy-seven times.’” - Matthew 18:21-22
   
   
   We are called to forgive others just as we have been forgiven (Ephesians 4:32). As we see demonstrated to us at the cross, forgiveness has the power to set us free. Sometimes I have to remind myself that if Christ offered me complete and unconditional forgiveness, I simply have no place in denying that to someone else.
   
   
9. Smile. Look up from your phone when you’re walking down the street. Look up from your phone more in general. Smile at those you pass. Say hi to them. Be aware of and attentive to those around you. Give someone a hug or a high five if it feels appropriate. Say thank you. Spread a little happiness. Perform a random act of kindness. Sometimes it’s the simplest things, like a genuine smile at just the right time, that can turn someone's day around.
   
   
   “A cheerful heart is good medicine, but a crushed spirit dries up the bones.” – Proverbs 17:22
   
   
10. Share Jesus. There is no better or more important way to love someone than to share with them the only love that can truly rescue their soul and set them free.  “And he said to them, ‘Go into all the world and proclaim the gospel to the whole creation.’” - Mark 16:15
    
    
    Admittedly, there have been occasions where I’ve shied away from talking about God with unbelievers because I worry that I won’t know what to say or that I won’t have the right answers to their questions. But I’ve come to realize how selfish this really is. It makes it all about me, it shows a lack of trust in God, and it leaves Him no room to work. Knowing Jesus has changed my life. Am I really going to let my own silly insecurities be what could keep someone from hearing about Him?
    
    Many passages in scripture show that God will intercede through the Holy Spirit when we are in situations of sharing or defending our faith. (Luke 12:11-12, 21:14-15, John 14:16-17, 15:26-27, 1 Corinthians 2:4, 2 Corinthians 3:5-6). We shouldn’t underestimate what He can do through His power within us (Acts 1:8, Ephesians 3:16-20). He promises to Guide us and that He is always with us (Matthew 28:20, Deuteronomy 31:6). So don’t overthink it. Take a leap of faith, and give the rest to Him. Sometimes it’s just about showing up and sitting with Jesus.

It can be pretty easy to get caught up in the distractions and business of the world, which can then cause us to develop a selfish mindset of, “I don’t have time for that. I’m too busy taking care of my own problems.” I’m guilty of feeling that way myself at times.

Whenever you find yourself in that place, take it back to the cross. Spend some time with Jesus. Remind yourself of His love for you. Rest in and find peace in that. Remind yourself of the kind of life He called you to live. A relationship with God, an understanding of your identity in Him, and a sense of His deep love for you is the source from which everything else flows. It’s impossible to have truly tasted the love of Jesus and not have a desire to bring that same love to other people. We should be craving that. We should be seeking that. We should be praying for those opportunities. It’s incredible that God wants us to be a part of it.

We are here to love God, love each other, and build His Kingdom here on earth. When you keep that as your main focus, you, and those around you, will experience the incredible joy, peace, grace, blessings, and freedom that come from living life with Jesus.

That’s looking more like love. That’s being a disciple. That’s making Jesus real to the world. And that, my friends, is what it’s all about.

“A new command I give you: Love one another. As I have loved you, so you must love one another. By this everyone will know that you are my disciples, if you love one another.” - John 13:34-35

100 Things That Make Me Happy

In no particular order: 

1. Finding the perfect gift for someone
2. Meaningful conversations
3. Quiet coffee shops
4. Traveling to and exploring places I’ve never been before
5. Perfectly timed songs
6. The anticipation and excitement of being reunited with someone I haven’t seen in a while
7. Seeing others perform random acts of kindness
8. Sending/receiving fun, unexpected messages
9. Witnessing someone accomplish something they’ve worked hard for
10. Rainy days
11. Warm clothes just out of the dryer
12. Hearing good news
13. Christmas at home
14. Alone time, moments of stillness
15. Elderly couples holding hands
16. Completing a to-do list
17. Finding jeans that fit just right
18. Singing/worshiping in church
19. When someone trusts me enough to confide in me or ask for advice
20. Walks on cool evenings
21. The sounds and smells of the ocean
22. Looking through old photographs
23. Listening to music I love and connect with
24. Colorful salads
25. Hearing stories of God’s grace, healing and provision
26. When someone takes time to notice and remember the little things
27. Stargazing
28. Words of affirmation/kindness from others
29. Comfortable silence
30. Watching Jayhawk basketball
31. Cold pressed juices
32. Spending quality time with friends and family
33. Baby animals
34. Fall weather
35. Library reading corners
36. Handwritten letters
37. Getting nine or more hours of sleep
38. Feeling loved and appreciated by those I care about
39. Successfully making a new recipe
40. Clean sheets
41. Giving/receiving compliments
42. Cooking or baking for someone
43. Accomplishing something I was scared to try
44. People-watching in airports
45. Feeling understood
46. Perfectly organized shelves and cabinets
47. Watching the sunrise or sunset
48. Free Wi-Fi
49. The Ellen DeGeneres show
50. Sweet potato chips and guacamole
51. Any Ben Rector song
52. Being part of something meaningful; building God’s kingdom
53. Being able to speak intelligently on a subject of importance
54. Restaurants that have grain and dairy-free options on the menu (Although, I do hope to be able to go crazy on some pizza someday here soon.)
55. Watching someone chase after their dreams
56. Learning new things about a topic of interest to me
57. Proper grammar
58. Watching those feel-good, inspirational movies
59. Finding little ways to bring joy into someone’s day
60. Holding a sleeping baby
61. Thunderstorms
62. Empty checkout lanes
63. Productive mornings
64. Warm, fuzzy socks
65. Moments of finally “getting” something; epiphanies
66. Bookstores
67. Helping others discover and explore their passions and talents
68. Passing knowledge on to someone else
69. Getting my hair cut
70. Laughter
71. The smell and feel of a newly cleaned room
72. Practicing yoga
73. Cuddling up under blankets with a good movie or book
74. Aromatherapy
75. Conversations with God
76. Family game nights
77. Throwing a surprise party
78. Long sleeves and shorts
79. Occasional Netflix binges
80. Going to concerts
81. Days with no plans
82. Enjoying a breathtaking landscape/view
83. Watching the leaves change
84. Skype dates with friends that live far away
85. Good hair days
86. Long hugs
87. Seeing others grow in their faith
88. When the seat next to mine on an airplane is empty
89.  Road trips
90.  Comfortable chairs
91.  Rainbows
92.  Sleeping with a loud noise fan
93.  Cold movie theaters
94.  Hearing “I love you”
95.  Helping someone tell/share their story through writing
96.  Seeing someone who truly enjoys their job
97. Brand new and colorful pens
98. Long walks on cool evenings
99. Making healthy smoothies
100. Going on drives at night

Believing Big Things

Hey Friends,

Over these last few weeks, numerous people have reached out and told me that they're praying for healing, believing that God is working behind the scenes, and feeling that this season of my life will be coming to an end very soon. I've been incredibly thankful for their words and encouragements but, truthfully, I've gone back and forth with my own feelings on those prayers and declarations. Sometimes I've been really pumped up, and other times I've felt like it will never happen. Sometimes my prayers have been full of thanksgiving and expectation, but other times they have been filled with empty words - or no words at all.

Every time I've thought that we made some sort of breakthrough with my health, something else has come up or my symptoms have started to return. It hit me a couple of weeks ago that I've been home from South Africa for a year now and I still haven't made it out of this season. I've had moments of just being incredibly tired: spiritually, emotionally and physically.

On Friday, a friend encouraged me to ask God for a specific Word that I can hold on to and declare over this season of my life. I loved the suggestion, but I honestly wasn't quite sure how I would go about doing that. My initial thoughts were something like: "So... what? I'll pray for a Word, randomly open the Bible, and that'll be it? I guess you'll have to surprise me here God, because I'm just not sure how this is going to work." 

Surprise me, He did.

"Ask, and it will be given to you..." Matthew 7:7

"But he said to me. 'My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.' Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weakness, so that Christ's power may rest on me." 2 Corinthians 12:9

On Saturday morning, I felt prompted to pick up my copy of the book "Jesus Continued" by JD Greear. I started reading it a little more than a year ago but still had a couple of chapters left.

The first of those final chapters, "You Have Not Because You Ask Not," is primarily about the importance of continuing to ask God for the power and presence of the Holy Spirit. While reading it, I strongly felt God was telling me that I should be applying the same to my health situation. Throughout this last year, I've never really fully declared or believed healing for myself. Sure, I've prayed for it, but there have always been a number of doubts and feelings of unworthiness at the back of my mind. I was reminded to think back to my time in South Africa where I saw God move and work in ways I couldn't have possibly imagined and had never before experienced. I saw, in many ways, how God's healing power is still very much alive and active in today's world. So why, then, had I been believing that He couldn't do the same for me? 

"Ask, and it will be given to you..." is a central verse in that chapter. I felt God challenging me to start asking and believing big things of Him again - that I shouldn't underestimate what He can do for His children and for the purposes of His Kingdom. It's time for me to start believing for healing in an entirely new way. 

The very last chapter, "The Way Up Is The Way Down," is where I was reminded of this verse in 2 Corinthians: "But he said to me. 'My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.' Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weakness, so that Christ's power may rest on me." (I wrote a post a few months ago that is based on that story/verse, which you can find here.) God reminded me that He often does His greatest work in our deepest valleys. Our times of weakness can later become avenues for His greatest power. Our weakest moments allow us to experience more of His mercy and grace. Our hardest seasons are often where we draw closest to Him and become full of His Spirit. He reminded me that this time is not and has not been in vain, and that He has used it to grow me as a person and in my faith, and to prepare me for what He has planned next. 

Later that afternoon, I opened up "Jesus Calling"  to read the devotional for that day. I almost couldn't believe it when I saw those exact same two verses on the page. 

How good is that?! I honestly don't think I've ever felt God speak to me so clearly and directly. I was filled with an overwhelming and incredible feeling of God's hand on my life. I felt as though He was telling me that my previous prayers for healing hadn't been answered yet because the timing wasn't right. There was work He wanted and needed to do first. He's been preparing me. But now; now is the time to ask. 

The promise that the end of this season is near has been even further confirmed during these last few days through doctors appointments, scripture, and prayers and words from others. I'm not saying that I'm expecting to wake up miraculously healed one morning; it might still be a process. But I'm confident in what God has revealed to me, and I'm going to continue pressing into that in the days to come.

I'm just so thankful for all the ways that God has been at work over this last year, and I'm excited and expectant to discover what He has planned next. Thank you to each and every one of you who have prayed for me, encouraged me, spoken into my life, passed along a Word, visited me, or been a part of this season in both big and small ways. None of it has gone unnoticed, and I appreciate all of you more than you know. 

Wherever you are in life, find peace in knowing that God is working everything together for His good and His glory. He's there, He sees you and He loves you. He's painting a much bigger picture, even if you can't see how it all fits together yet. Trust Him with the outcome.

"One of the most wonderful things about knowing God is that there's always so much more to know, so much more to discover. Just when we least expect it, He intrudes into our neat and tidy notions of who He is and how He works." - Joni Eareckson Tada

I Am, I Will

Hey Friends, 

This is something I wrote a few months ago as I was thinking about the person I am and want to be in Christ. This is not to say that I am successfully doing any or all of these things. I am far from perfect and make mistakes daily. But this is a recognition of and reflection on who God calls us to be through scripture. I was challenged and encouraged when I read through it again today, and I thought I'd share it in hopes that it might do the same for someone else. 

I Am, I Will

I am loved - eternally, perfectly, fully and unconditionally - by God. I will remember that it is by grace, not by works, that I have been saved. I do not have to strive for His love and acceptance, but accept it in thankfulness and faith. I have been set free through Christ. Ultimate joy, love, peace, security and beauty are found in living life in His presence and remembering what He has done for me. (Psalm 103:12, John 3:16, Romans 5:8 & 8:2, Ephesians 2:4-5)

I am made in God's image. He knows me perfectly, and I am precious in His sight. My ultimate value and worth are found in Him and Him alone. He is my creator, Father, guide, teacher, protector and provider. I cannot walk through this life in my own strength, but through Him, all things are possible. ((Genesis 1:27, Psalm 139:13-14, Isaiah 43:4, Jeremiah 1:5, Matthew 6:31-32, Philippians 4:13 & 4:19)

I am here to love God, love others and build His kingdom here on earth. I will remind myself each day to live for His will and His glory - not my own. (Habakkuk 2:14, Matthew 24-25, Mark 16:15, John 13:34)

I will find time to spend alone with God each day. I will continue to seek the ways that He wants to communicate with me though His Spirit. I will seek His wisdom. I will listen to His voice, His guidance and His prompting. (Deuteronomy 4:29, Matthew 6:33, Romans 5:5, 1 Corinthians 3:16, James 4:8)

I will seek to become more in tune with the gifts God has given me and to discover the ways He wants me to use those to bring glory to His name. (1 Corinthians 12:1-11, 1 Peter 14:10)

I will not allow earthly things to become idols in my life. Even though some of these things are good – love, marriage, family, a career, money, health, success, etc. – I will not allow my happiness to be determined by whether or not I have them. I will remember not to give them more weight in my life than I give to God. (Exodus 20:3-6, 1 Corinthians 10:14, Colossians 3:5)

I will not pull away from God when I sin, fall short or do things I'm not proud of. When I become more aware of the areas of my life and heart I need to work on, I will see these as opportunities to draw closer to Him, to experience more of His grace and mercy, and to allow Him to continue molding me into the person He made me to be. (Psalm 139: 23-24,  Romans 3:22-23, 2 Corinthians 12:9)

I will stop and take a deep breath when I become annoyed or upset and am tempted to take that out on others. I will be patient, kind and slow to anger. I will not be judgmental. (Matthew 7: 1-5, Luke 6:31)

I will seek to be honest, trustworthy, helpful and compassionate in all relationships - with friends, family, neighbors and strangers. I will love on and speak life into others. I will remember that words have power both to heal and to wound, and I will refrain from gossip. (Proverbs 18:21 & 31:26, 1 Corinthians 13: 4-8, Galatians 5:13, Ephesians 4:29)

I will be sensitive to what others may be going though. I will not allow my own needs or busy schedule cause me to look past them. I will listen to them and their stories. I will look for the little ways that I can make a difference in someone's day. (Proverbs 17:17, Ephesians 4:2-3, 1 Corinthians 13:13, James 1:19)

I will be a prayer warrior. This, alone, is a powerful form of ministry. (Luke 18:1, Romans 12:12, James 5:14-16, 1 Peter 3:12)

I will serve without agenda and with a kind and open heart. I will never expect anything in return for what I give (Luke 6:35, Acts 20:35, 2 Corinthians 9:7-9)

I will not compare my life or my faith journey to the journeys of others. That is a sign that my heart is in the wrong place - a sign of jealousy, a sign of doubt, a sign of selfishness. I will remember that God works differently in each of our lives. He communicates with each of us differently. He has given us each different gifts. I will celebrate God's work and faithfulness in the lives of others. (Proverbs 14:30, 2 Corinthians 10:12, Galatians 6:4-5, James 3:16)

I will not allow negativity or pride to control me. I will seek to be humble in all that I do. (Proverbs 11:2, Isaiah 2:12, Philippians 2:3, James 4:6)

I will not focus so much on what other people think of me. I will be myself. I will remember that my true worth is found in God, not the opinions of those who don’t fully know me. (John 14:27, Romans 12:2, Galatians 1:10)

I will not over-obsess, over-think, over-worry or over-plan. These are some of my greatest weaknesses, and they are signs that I am trying too hard to control things. They allow God no room to work. I will do my best to pray about everything, and worry about nothing. (Psalm 32:8, Proverbs 3:5-6, Jeremiah 29:11, Philippians 4:6, 1 Peter 5:7)

I will trust that God will give me the words when I'm presented an opportunity to speak to someone about my faith. I will give the moment to Him. I will remember that it's about Him and His good news, not about me or how much I appear to "know." I won't worry so much about saying the "right" thing. In any situation where I feel He is calling me to step out in faith, I will trust that He has equipped me for the task. (Joshua 1:9, Luke 12:12, Ephesians 2:10)

I will thank God each day for the blessings He has given me. I will remember that every good and perfect thing comes from above. It is all from Him. I will thank Him for all of the ways He is working in my life. (Psalm 100:4, Ephesians 5:20, James 1:17)

I will take time to notice and relish the beauty God has placed in the world - the sunset, laughter, the ocean, a smile, animals, music, the wind rustling through the trees - it is all part of His creation. (Psalm 19:1 & 95:4-5 & 104:24-25, John 1:3)

I will be quick to forgive, but I will not allow others to take advantage of me. I will surround myself with a community of loving, supportive, honest people. I will remember that just as iron sharpens iron, one person sharpens another. (Proverbs 13:12 & 27:17, Ephesians 4:31-32, Colossians 3:13)

I will be confident in who I am and willing to stand up for what I believe in. I will be strong and courageous. (Proverbs 3:26, Matthew 10:22, 1 Corinthians 6:13)

I will stop and pray when I'm tempted or distracted by sin or when I almost fall back into things I've worked hard to leave behind. I will practice self-control. I will pray for the strength to say no and walk away. I will remember not to put those things above Him. I will seek that security, acceptance, beauty, attention, answer, validation - whatever temporary satisfaction those temptations would give me - in God alone. (1 Corinthians 10:13, 2 Timothy 1:7, Hebrews 2:18)

I will remember that God is still there, and will always be there, when life gets hard - when pain, discouragement and hardship seem too much to bare. He is constant and unwavering. He can provide purpose and meaning in all circumstances. He has a plan that is way bigger and higher than what I can see or understand now. It might not always make sense, but I will trust Him. I will praise Him through it all. (Psalm 31:19 & 37:7, Isaiah 41:10 & 55:9, Romans 8:28, 1 Thessalonians 5:13)

I will remember that the day of His return is coming. Although the evilness of this world can become overwhelming, I can find peace in knowing that, one day, He will come back in glory. Evil will be brought to justice, and He will wipe away every tear. The pain we experience now won’t even compare to the glory He will reveal to us. (Romans 8:18, 2 Corinthians 4:17, Revelation 21:4, 22:12)

I will be excited, faith-filled and expectant as I walk into the future and all He has planned for me. I will live my life in response to the overwhelming beauty of God that is shown to us in the Gospel, and I will rest in the assurance of the finished work of Christ. (Proverbs 31:25, Philippians 1:13)