Believing Big Things

Hey Friends,

Over these last few weeks, numerous people have reached out and told me that they're praying for healing, believing that God is working behind the scenes, and feeling that this season of my life will be coming to an end very soon. I've been incredibly thankful for their words and encouragements but, truthfully, I've gone back and forth with my own feelings on those prayers and declarations. Sometimes I've been really pumped up, and other times I've felt like it will never happen. Sometimes my prayers have been full of thanksgiving and expectation, but other times they have been filled with empty words - or no words at all.

Every time I've thought that we made some sort of breakthrough with my health, something else has come up or my symptoms have started to return. It hit me a couple of weeks ago that I've been home from South Africa for a year now and I still haven't made it out of this season. I've had moments of just being incredibly tired: spiritually, emotionally and physically.

On Friday, a friend encouraged me to ask God for a specific Word that I can hold on to and declare over this season of my life. I loved the suggestion, but I honestly wasn't quite sure how I would go about doing that. My initial thoughts were something like: "So... what? I'll pray for a Word, randomly open the Bible, and that'll be it? I guess you'll have to surprise me here God, because I'm just not sure how this is going to work." 

Surprise me, He did.

"Ask, and it will be given to you..." Matthew 7:7

"But he said to me. 'My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.' Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weakness, so that Christ's power may rest on me." 2 Corinthians 12:9

On Saturday morning, I felt prompted to pick up my copy of the book "Jesus Continued" by JD Greear. I started reading it a little more than a year ago but still had a couple of chapters left.

The first of those final chapters, "You Have Not Because You Ask Not," is primarily about the importance of continuing to ask God for the power and presence of the Holy Spirit. While reading it, I strongly felt God was telling me that I should be applying the same to my health situation. Throughout this last year, I've never really fully declared or believed healing for myself. Sure, I've prayed for it, but there have always been a number of doubts and feelings of unworthiness at the back of my mind. I was reminded to think back to my time in South Africa where I saw God move and work in ways I couldn't have possibly imagined and had never before experienced. I saw, in many ways, how God's healing power is still very much alive and active in today's world. So why, then, had I been believing that He couldn't do the same for me? 

"Ask, and it will be given to you..." is a central verse in that chapter. I felt God challenging me to start asking and believing big things of Him again - that I shouldn't underestimate what He can do for His children and for the purposes of His Kingdom. It's time for me to start believing for healing in an entirely new way. 

The very last chapter, "The Way Up Is The Way Down," is where I was reminded of this verse in 2 Corinthians: "But he said to me. 'My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.' Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weakness, so that Christ's power may rest on me." (I wrote a post a few months ago that is based on that story/verse, which you can find here.) God reminded me that He often does His greatest work in our deepest valleys. Our times of weakness can later become avenues for His greatest power. Our weakest moments allow us to experience more of His mercy and grace. Our hardest seasons are often where we draw closest to Him and become full of His Spirit. He reminded me that this time is not and has not been in vain, and that He has used it to grow me as a person and in my faith, and to prepare me for what He has planned next. 

Later that afternoon, I opened up "Jesus Calling"  to read the devotional for that day. I almost couldn't believe it when I saw those exact same two verses on the page. 

How good is that?! I honestly don't think I've ever felt God speak to me so clearly and directly. I was filled with an overwhelming and incredible feeling of God's hand on my life. I felt as though He was telling me that my previous prayers for healing hadn't been answered yet because the timing wasn't right. There was work He wanted and needed to do first. He's been preparing me. But now; now is the time to ask. 

The promise that the end of this season is near has been even further confirmed during these last few days through doctors appointments, scripture, and prayers and words from others. I'm not saying that I'm expecting to wake up miraculously healed one morning; it might still be a process. But I'm confident in what God has revealed to me, and I'm going to continue pressing into that in the days to come.

I'm just so thankful for all the ways that God has been at work over this last year, and I'm excited and expectant to discover what He has planned next. Thank you to each and every one of you who have prayed for me, encouraged me, spoken into my life, passed along a Word, visited me, or been a part of this season in both big and small ways. None of it has gone unnoticed, and I appreciate all of you more than you know. 

Wherever you are in life, find peace in knowing that God is working everything together for His good and His glory. He's there, He sees you and He loves you. He's painting a much bigger picture, even if you can't see how it all fits together yet. Trust Him with the outcome.

"One of the most wonderful things about knowing God is that there's always so much more to know, so much more to discover. Just when we least expect it, He intrudes into our neat and tidy notions of who He is and how He works." - Joni Eareckson Tada