The Gathering

Hey Friends,

As many of you may already know, we have seen some improvements with my health over the last couple of months. I'm SO thankful for that. Many of my symptoms have started to decrease, and I often have more strength and energy now than I did in the recent past - although my body still does tend get tired very quickly. We are still working through some concerns, but I'm hopeful that things will continue to improve from here. 

It's been a difficult year, but as I mentioned in a recent Facebook post, I'm so thankful for the opportunities this time of rest has given me to grow in my faith, trust in God's plans and timing, become more confident in who I am, spend time with family, and enjoy the simple things in life.

As I've begun to feel better, God has really laid it on my heart to look for a new church home. I've been following along with Summit RDU's "Year of the Bible" series online, which I've loved and will continue to do, but I've really missed connecting and growing with a church community. I've also missed worshiping through music in a church setting, as that is one of my favorite ways of praising God. 

I was driving in Newton with my mom about a month back. As we were sitting in traffic on Main Street, I looked to my right and saw a sign that said, "Welcome Home." This immediately made me think of Hillsong, as those two words were the first thing I saw when I walked into Hillsong Cape Town on Good Friday during Semester at Sea a little more than three years ago. 

Hillsong Cape Town, 2013

Scrolling through Facebook on the way home - my mom was driving, don't worry - I saw a post at the top of my feed where a friend mentioned a new church she had gone to and loved earlier that day. Which church? You guessed it: The Gathering. In that moment, I had such a strong and exciting feeling that God was leading me to this church.  

I didn't go for the next two weeks. First it was Father's Day, and then the following week the two friends I wanted to go with were out of town. They were both with their families for the 4th of July the week after that, but something in me was telling me to go anyway. 

Being the introvert that I am, the idea of going to a new church completely on my own was a bit overwhelming. The same applies to going to any new place where there will be a lot of unfamiliar people. My mind generally likes to come up with a nice long list of things that could go wrong in a situation like this: 

• "What if I start to feel sick in the middle of the service? I won't have anyone there who will know how to help."

• "I can't eat bread right now. What will I do if they have communion?"

• "What if no one talks to me?"

• "What if people judge me for showing up alone?"

• "Sometimes I'm an awkward person. What if I say something dumb and make a fool of myself?"

• "What if I can't find a place to park?"

Yes, I'm serious. Those are all thoughts I had at some point during the couple of days leading up to that Sunday - so many "what ifs." 

Allowing my own doubts and insecurities to keep me from something I feel God has called or led me to is one thing I  struggle with. Sometimes I really can just get in my own way. When I feel myself begin to worry or overthink, I've found it helps to talk to God about it and remind myself that it's not about me, but about Him and His glory.

Search me, God, and know my heart; test me and know my anxious thoughts. See if there is any offensive way in me,  and lead me in the way everlasting. - Psalm 139:23-24 

If he has called me to something, I can trust there's a reason and a purpose for that. That should be my focus, and I should rest freely and peacefully in Him. 

I will instruct you and teach you in the way you should go; I will counsel you with my loving eye on you. - Psalm 32:8

The Lord will fight for you; you need only to be still. - Exodus 14:14

After spending some time with God, I began to recognize how silly and selfish it was that I was even considering letting any of those little "worries" keep me from stepping out and trusting Him. I had been so worked up and caught in my own head that I lost sight of my reasons for going in the first place. I had begun to second guess not only myself, but also God. 

When I began to pray about, laugh about and shake off those negative thoughts, my excitement about finding a church and my desire to follow God's lead started to override all of those fears and insecurities.  

I decided to go for it. I was greeted with smiles, handshakes and words of welcome the moment I walked in the door. The atmosphere was alive, vibrant and joyful. As soon the worship team started to sing, my heart became full with God's presence. The pastor, Brandon, was engaging and very relatable. He spoke with passion, honesty and humor, which is a style of preaching I really connect with. I introduced myself to him at the end of the service. (I'm glad I didn't give myself time to overthink that one. Haha.) I left that morning knowing that this was a special place.

The following Sunday (July 10), Brandon's message reminded me a lot of the message Phil Dooley spoke at Hillsong the morning I was saved. I found a lot of peace and comfort in that, and it served as further confirmation for me that this is where God wants me to be. 

I'm so thankful that I decided to listen to God's voice instead of the voices of my fears and doubts. I can't wait to start meeting more people, getting involved and seeking the ways that I can help to build God's kingdom through this church. 

If you struggle with overthinking like I do, I encourage you to let God take control. Constant worrying does nothing but drive our hearts and spirits into a state of fear and anxiety. Take a deep breath. Remember who God is and what He has done for you. Thank Him for His love and grace. Seek His guidance. Listen to His prompting. Trust in His plans. Rest in His Promises. 

Have a wonderful rest of your week, everyone!

Be strong and courageous. Do not be afraid or terrified because of them, for the Lord your God goes with you; he will never leave you nor forsake you.” - Deuteronomy 31:6

A Quick Update!

Hey Friends, 

I just wanted to give everyone a quick update on my health. I haven't been posting details about that side of things because we still aren't sure exactly what the problem is. I guess I'm a complicated one! Haha. We haven't found all the answers just yet, but we are making a good amount of progress. I'd rather wait and share "official" news than talk about all of the different possibilities we're looking at. It has all been taking longer than hoped, but I've been working with a great team of doctors who are determined to get to the bottom of what's going on. 

At the end of April, we started the process of referring me to Mayo Clinic. My doctors thought going there might be the next best step, and I definitely wasn't going to say no to the possibility of getting an opinion at one of the best medical facilities in the country. The referral finally went through last week, but Mayo actually denied our request for an appointment. I didn't even know that there was a real possibility of that.

But, to be honest, I wasn't too surprised. For some reason I'd been having a strange feeling that they actually wouldn't see me. During the days leading up to the decision, I'd been praying about it a lot and was asking God to show us the next best step. To me, Mayo shutting the doors means that it wasn't the right place to go. I'm trusting that God is working behind the scenes and that He will open the doors that will lead to answers and healing in the right time and in the right way. 

I truly believe that He wants to use this season of life to strengthen my faith in and relationship with Him, and that what I'm working through now is essential in preparing me for what is next. Sometimes it's difficult to remember and focus on that when I feel overwhelmed by challenges I'm facing. But I've been reminding myself each day to give the situation to Him, trust in His promises and plans, and rest in His presence.

Thank you all for your continued prayers, support and words of encouragement. It means so much! 

Have a wonderful weekend!

Emily

A Reflection on Faith and Healing

Hey Friends,

The topic of faith and healing is one that I’ve been working through and wrestling with throughout this journey – particularly within these last few days.

I’ve been sick for a little more than a year now, and the answers and healing I’ve been hoping and praying for haven’t come yet. I’ve found myself wondering… why? I’ve allowed certain voices and doubts to creep into my head: “Should I be listening to the people who say I haven’t prayed enough – that I should have more faith? If that’s true, what am I doing wrong? Is it always God’s will to heal us from our physical sickness?”

As I’ve spent time reflecting, praying, discussing and thinking about these things, God has provided me with an answer that has given me peace and assurance.

Does God heal? Yes. Absolutely. He can, He will and He does. There are many examples in the Bible where Jesus healed the sick. The Gospels are full of miraculous stories of healing. I believe that God still does heal today. I’ve heard of, read about and personally witnessed individuals becoming healed through prayer and faith. Their healing becomes part of their testimony of God’s love, grace and faithfulness in their lives.

Does God always answer our prayers with physical healing? No. God has a different plan for each of our lives, and He works in and through us in different ways. In situations where God doesn’t provide the physical healing we ask for, I believe it’s because we will draw closer to God and experience more of His glory and grace than we would if we were healed. 

The story of Paul in 2 Corinthians 12 is an example of that. Paul prayed three times asking God to remove the thorn in his side, but that healing was not given. In verse 9, the Lord responded: “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.”

Maybe the journey one goes through in their sickness is part of and will lead to God’s plan and purpose for them.

Maybe the story of how God has worked in someone’s life despite, through and because of an illness will become part of a testimony that God can use to speak into the lives of others.

Maybe one’s heart, mind and spirit can become renewed and refreshed in ways that wouldn’t have happened if physical healing had been granted or prayers were answered in the way or at the time we wanted them to be.

Sickness isn’t from God, and I don’t believe He causes it. It’s not like He’s up there saying, “I’m going to throw this at them just to see how they’ll handle it.” We live in a fallen and broken world, so things like sickness happen sometimes as a result of that. But, as I mentioned in a previous post, God can provide meaning, purpose, and opportunities for His grace and glory to shine through in all circumstances.

I turned on the TV this morning as I was eating breakfast, and The 700 Club happened to be on. I’ve never once watched that show, and I was about to flip the channel when I recognized a familiar face. Chad Veach, lead pastor of ZOE Church in California, was on the show as a guest. Chad was one of the speakers at last year’s Encounter Conference that I attended at Hillsong in Cape Town.

He was on The 700 Club to talk about his new book, “Unreasonable Hope: Finding Faith in the God Who Brings Purpose to Your Pain.” The book was inspired by the journey his family has gone through with his own young daughter’s diagnosis of a brain disorder.

I only caught the last two minutes of his appearance on the show, but it was enough for me to know that this is a book I have to read.

How awesome is God? I randomly turned on the TV to find a show I never watch. The guest speaker was familiar enough to keep me from turning the channel. Chad was on the show to talk about his new book that just so happens to be written on the topic I’ve been working through these last few days.

God sure does pay attention to detail. J

Have a wonderful rest of your week, everyone! 

A Turning Point

Hey friends, 

Some of you reading this probably know that I've been working through concerns with my health over the past year. These last six months in particular have been some of the most physically, emotionally and spiritually challenging of my life. 

I didn't expect to be sick, unemployed and living at home with my parents at the age of 23. If I had things my way, I would be healthy, working full time and living in a place of my own. Maybe I'd even still be in South Africa interning at Hillsong.

There are a lot of things that I've been angry, anxious and worried about lately. 

I've been angry that it's taking this long to figure things out, and the lack of answers has been causing me to worry that there could be something seriously wrong.

I've been uneasy about taking time off to get well instead of working - somehow that has made me feel like I'm being unproductive or not living life "correctly." I've been giving myself "deadlines" for when I need to be well or have a job again, but I've become discouraged when I realize those won't be met. 

I've been upset that it's hard for me to make plans because I never know when I'll be feeling all right or when I won't even want to get out of bed. I've been sad that I've had to spend so much time inside and away from friends and others I care about. 

I've also been mad at myself for wanting to focus so much on the bad instead of wanting to be thankful and grateful for the good. 

All of these things caused me to pull away from God. I slowly stopped reading my Bible, listening to sermons and praying. I even started to roll my eyes when people would say things like, "God's got you! Don't worry. Just ask Him to make you well!"

I was very aware that this was happening, but I just pushed it to the back of my mind because I didn't want to deal with or confront it. 

I had a moment this weekend where I just couldn't keep all of that inside anymore. I prayed - seriously prayed - for the first time in a long time. I cried, yelled, and told God everything I was thinking and feeling. 

As I was getting into bed that night, something told me to open up my "Jesus Calling" devotional book. My mom shared it with me awhile back, but I hadn't yet read a single page. 

The passages written for the next two days spoke so much into my life and situation that I almost couldn't believe it. Here is the devotional for February 16: 

Wow. How good is that? That message couldn't have been more timely for me. I was in a place where I desperately needed that reminder. Don't ever doubt that God hears your prayers and knows your heart. 

I don't necessarily think that there's a "reason" for me being sick, but I do believe God will provide opportunities for purpose and meaning within our circumstances if we ask Him to. He can use us during our hard times just as much as He can during our good times. 

It's ok to be angry. It's ok to be sad, confused and hurt. That's normal. That's part of being human. But we shouldn't allow ourselves to dwell on those thoughts and feelings to the point that it causes us to close ourselves off from God and hold ourselves back from our lives. 

We have to seek Him. We have to allow Him to speak into our hearts. 

That's where I have been falling so short over these last six months. I've been upset, anxious and walking in fear instead of thankful, patient and walking with Him. 

That's where I'm starting today. I'm still praying for healing and answers, but instead of constantly worrying and looking forward past this time, I'm going to try and be more present by enjoying this time of rest, finding meaning and purpose where I'm at, and trusting and seeking Him. 

I hope this post can be an encouragement to someone else who is currently going through a tough season of life. God sees you. He hears you. He loves you. Resist the temptation to pull away when things get hard and, instead, draw yourself closer to Him. Allow Him the chance to work. 

Prayer Request: I have plans to see Jayhawks take on the Wildcats at the Sunflower Showdown with my dad and brother this Saturday. As silly as it may seem, I would appreciate prayers that I'll be feeling well enough to go! It will be the first big outing I've taken in six months, and I would love to be able to enjoy it with them. :) #RockChalk

From My Head to My Heart

Hey friends, 

I apologize that it has been so long since my last update. In case you don't already know, I am back home in the States. We got to a point with my health concerns where the smartest and safest decision was to come home and focus on figuring out what's wrong. My mom and brother were still able to come visit, and we had an incredible time! They came during the last week of July. My brother left at the beginning of August, but my mom stayed with me until the 11th. 

It's hard to believe that I've been home for almost a month already. I was trying to wait until we had some solid answers regarding my health before writing this post, but it's looking like it might take longer than we initially thought. 

I miss everyone in Cape Town and at Hillsong so much. I wish I could wake up tomorrow morning and drive to church for work, but I know coming home was the right choice. 

I listened to a sermon by Steven Furtick called "The Hidden Cost of a High Calling" during first week I was back at home. In it, he talked about how there's always a reason for the season that we're in - that what's happening now is always connected to what's next. We live in a world where we're always reaching forward and looking for something different and better than we have now. But we can get to that "next" and not have the strength we need because we were not faithful "now." 

"What you're doing now and how you do it now is the most important thing in what God is going to do next. The biggest temptation will be to chase after what is next and neglect what God is doing now. But if you neglect what God is doing now, you won't have what you need." 

After initially listening to the sermon, I was very encouraged and motivated. I felt like everything was going to be just fine if I just stuck with it and made the best of the situation. I felt like there must be a reason I was brought home and that God was still working through all of it.

I wish I could say that I've been living that out over the last several weeks. But, truthfully, I've been pretty discouraged and overwhelmed. In my head, I know all of these things are true. It's just taking my heart a little longer to catch up.

Maybe part of me is scared of what that would look like. Maybe part of me doesn't have enough faith. Maybe part of me just wants to be upset about the way things are right now. Maybe part of me is too worried about what might be wrong with me to focus on anything else. Maybe part of me doesn't want to give up control. Maybe part of me is afraid of getting too hopeful. Maybe part of me thinks it's easier to just stand still rather than work, believe and dream toward something that I can't even see a glimpse of yet. 

Maybe that's wrong. Maybe that's selfish. Maybe that's human. 

God is faithful, and He can make good come out of any situation if we let Him. A great friend recently told me that problems are just opportunities for miracles to happen. 

I would appreciate prayers that I could actually start believing that, living that and feeling that in my heart rather than continuing to try and convince myself that I believe it.

I've prayed a lot for God to teach me to fully depend on Him. Maybe this is a great opportunity to learn that lesson. 

Cast Your Cares

Hey everyone!

Those of you that have been reading these posts from the beginning know that the struggles with my health have been a continuous and unexpected part of my journey here in Cape Town in some pretty significant ways. I've had moments where I've been so discouraged and frustrated that I've considered going back home where I could put my full focus into figuring things out and getting healthy.

Since this last weekend, my heart has been in a much better place than it has recently been. God gave me a peace about everything and helped me to realize that I've had the wrong mindset about the situation. I had been thinking that I needed to get better before I could really start living life here and chase after what God wants me to do. But that isn't true. God can still use me - through it, despite it, because of it. 

My time here so far hasn't looked anything like what I had expected or planned, but God's timing and thoughts are better than mine. He called me here for this season of my life. Maybe experiencing this here with the people that are here is part of His plans to challenge me, help me grow and mold me into the person He created me to be. 

I recently watched a sermon by Joyce Meyer called "Moving Beyond Worry and Anxiety." In it, she talks about how God will do one of two things when we give our problems to Him. He'll either remove the problem or He will give us the strength, grace and ability to go through it. If He lets us go through it, then there's a purpose and something we're going to get out if it that we need. 

My tendency to worry and overthink is one of the things that I've been asking and working with God to overcome. I've watched a number of really great sermons on this topic. Steven Furtick's sermon "Brave the Waves (Anxious for Nothing)" is a really great one! Needless worry about things we can't control is something I think we've probably all experienced. I love Joyce Meyer's quote, "Worry is a down payment on a problem you might never have." 

All of this isn't to say that I'm suddenly completely fine with having these health issues and that it will be smooth sailing from here on out. I'm sure I'll still have moments of doubt and discouragement. I'm still praying and believing for healing and answers, but trust that God will reveal those if and when He's ready and that He has a plan through it all. He's teaching me, more than ever before, to truly surrender and depend on Him. 

Switching topics, I mentioned a couple of posts ago that my story would be featured on the "Brave" website soon. It was posted last month and I wanted to be sure to give the link to anyone that is interested in checking it out. There are so many incredible stories and testimonies of faith being shared through this movement. I have been helping out a bit with the social media effort for Brave, and I continue to be inspired and encouraged after reading the stories each week!

Encounter Conference, a conference for youth and young adults, is happening Wednesday through Friday of this week. I'm incredibly excited for that! And, possibly even more exciting, my mom and brother will be arriving in Cape Town in less than two weeks! I absolutely cannot wait for them to get here. 

I'm going to try to start being more diligent with posting on here. I honestly wasn't sure if anyone was really keeping up with me, but my mom told me a few days ago that people were noticing it had been about a month since my last post. It was awesome to hear that people are reading! Thank you all for your prayers and support. I would love to hear from you guys!

Below are a few recent photos! 

The two at the top, Alex and Daniel, were in Cape Town for a week after finishing
five months of missions work in other parts of Africa. They're both from Germany.
It was awesome getting to know them and hearing their stories.
 God opens doors in such incredible ways!

I have the most incredible team! This picture was taken about a week ago
as we were saying goodbye to one of our volunteers from England.
She was here for three months as part of a gap year program.

My friendships with Phil and Norbert continue to be such an incredible blessing.
 God sure knows how to bring the right people together! 

Write the Future

Hey everyone!

As I'm sitting here writing this post, I'm bundled up in sweatshirt and jacket listening to the sounds of wind and rain from the storm going on outside. Hello, winter in South Africa! I definitely underestimated how cold it would get here. If I were to compare it to a season in America, I'd say it's probably closest to our spring, but just a little bit colder. I think the part that has taken the most getting used to is the absence of heating systems in houses here. It does actually get quite chilly sometimes, especially at night. But I'm someone that would choose cold weather over hot weather any day, so I haven't minded too much.

Load-shedding is another part of living in South Africa that has taken some getting used to. There's a national electricity shortage in South Africa and, in order to balance out the supply and demand, they often have to interrupt or cut off power for certain periods of time. Those periods generally last for two and a half hours. The time of day it happens depends on what stage of severity we are in and on the load-shedding schedule, which has the city divided up into different areas. Here's a link to the schedule.

When we're in Stage 1, the power might go out during our scheduled time. In Stage 2, it definitely will. It's hard to keep track of because the stages change every day and often aren't announced ahead of time. It is an inconvenience sometimes, especially when it happens from 6 - 8:30 p.m. when it's dark and you can't cook dinner. I'm planning on having some friends over for dinner on Wednesday night, but if we're in Stage 2, we'll have load-shedding from 6-8:30. I'm praying that we won't be! Haha. 

It has been a busy and eventful last few weeks at church and work. I'm continuing to make strides on the newsletter and other projects, one of our Lights On after-school programs had a record attendance of 127 kids last week, and Hillsong celebrated it's 7th year of building the church in South Africa this last Sunday! Exciting things all around!

Last weekend, I took a road trip up to Boulders Beach with a few of my closest friends here where we got to hang out with some African penguins living in their natural habitat. We also tried to drive up to Cape Point, the southern most part of Africa, to catch the sunset.  We were a little delayed and they had already closed the gates by the time we got there, but the breathtaking views of the mountains and the ocean along the way were more than worth the trip. It was probably one of the most fun days I've had here yet! 

Today is a public holiday in South Africa, so we have the day off from work. After talking with my boss a few days ago, I'm also going to be taking the rest of this week to rest and work from home. The last few weeks have been quite busy, and my face rash and other symptoms have been acting up again recently. I've also started to get more frequent headaches and have been very tired and dizzy. We're starting to wonder if the initial diagnosis might be incorrect. Although it is frustrating and I want nothing more than to be able to participate and make the most of my time here, I also know that I need to let myself heal first. It is such a blessing that I am able to do that!

I'm planning to use this week to re-focus on my relationship with God. I've been so worried and distracted with things lately that I've really felt myself pulling back. There are so many topics in my heart that I feel God telling me to dig further into and explore with Him - who I am, my strengths and weaknesses, spiritual gifts, who I hope to be, where I want to go, the visions and dreams I have for my life. I'm going to start writing my future. Norbert and Phil gave me a notebook with the words "Write The Future" on the front about a month ago, and I think I've found the perfect use for it. 

Today, I started out by reminding myself who I am according to God - who we all are according to God.

We are: 

• His children:
• "See how great a love the Father has bestowed on us, that we would be called children of God." - 1 John 3:2

• Unconditionally and fiercely loved: 
• "For God so loved the world that He gave His only son, that whoever believes in Him should not perish, but have eternal life." - John 3:16
• "... neither death nor life, nor angels nor demons, nor things present nor things to come, nor any powers, nor height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation will be able to separate us from the love of God that is in Christ Jesus our Lord." - Romans 8:38-39

• Washed free from sin through Christ:
• "Because of His great love for us, God, who is rich in mercy, made us alive in Christ even when we were dead in transgressions - it is by grace you have been saved." - Ephesians 2:4-5

• A new creation in Him:
• "Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, he is a new creation. The old has gone, the new has come." -  2 Corinthians 5:17

• Made in His image: 
• "So God created mankind in his own image, in the image of God He created them; male and female he created them." - Genesis 1:27
• "But now, O Lord, you are our Father; we are the clay, and you are our potter; we are th work of your hand." - Isaiah 64:8

• Intimately known by Him. He knows your name: 
• "For you formed my inward parts; you knitted me together in my mother's womb. I praise you, for I am fearfully and wonderfully made." - Psalm 139:14

• Created for good works:
• "For we are God's handiwork, created in Christ Jesus to do good works, which God prepared us in advance to do." - Ephesians 2:10

• An important part of His plan: 
• "For I know the plans I have for you, says the Lord. Plans for prosper and not for evil, to give you a hope and a future." - Jeremiah 29:11

• Called for a purpose: 
• "And we know that those who love God all things work together for good, for those who are called according to His purpose." - Romans 8:28

• Strong and wise in Him: 
• "Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding. In all of your ways acknowledge him and he will make straight your paths." - Proverbs 3:5-6
• "But they who wait for the Lord shall renew their strength; they shall mount up with wings like eagles, they shall run and not be weary; they shall walk and not faint." - Isaiah 40:31

• Made to be a light in the darkness: 
• "You are the light of the world. A town built on a hill cannot be hidden." - Matthew 5:14