From My Head to My Heart

Hey friends, 

I apologize that it has been so long since my last update. In case you don't already know, I am back home in the States. We got to a point with my health concerns where the smartest and safest decision was to come home and focus on figuring out what's wrong. My mom and brother were still able to come visit, and we had an incredible time! They came during the last week of July. My brother left at the beginning of August, but my mom stayed with me until the 11th. 

It's hard to believe that I've been home for almost a month already. I was trying to wait until we had some solid answers regarding my health before writing this post, but it's looking like it might take longer than we initially thought. 

I miss everyone in Cape Town and at Hillsong so much. I wish I could wake up tomorrow morning and drive to church for work, but I know coming home was the right choice. 

I listened to a sermon by Steven Furtick called "The Hidden Cost of a High Calling" during first week I was back at home. In it, he talked about how there's always a reason for the season that we're in - that what's happening now is always connected to what's next. We live in a world where we're always reaching forward and looking for something different and better than we have now. But we can get to that "next" and not have the strength we need because we were not faithful "now." 

"What you're doing now and how you do it now is the most important thing in what God is going to do next. The biggest temptation will be to chase after what is next and neglect what God is doing now. But if you neglect what God is doing now, you won't have what you need." 

After initially listening to the sermon, I was very encouraged and motivated. I felt like everything was going to be just fine if I just stuck with it and made the best of the situation. I felt like there must be a reason I was brought home and that God was still working through all of it.

I wish I could say that I've been living that out over the last several weeks. But, truthfully, I've been pretty discouraged and overwhelmed. In my head, I know all of these things are true. It's just taking my heart a little longer to catch up.

Maybe part of me is scared of what that would look like. Maybe part of me doesn't have enough faith. Maybe part of me just wants to be upset about the way things are right now. Maybe part of me is too worried about what might be wrong with me to focus on anything else. Maybe part of me doesn't want to give up control. Maybe part of me is afraid of getting too hopeful. Maybe part of me thinks it's easier to just stand still rather than work, believe and dream toward something that I can't even see a glimpse of yet. 

Maybe that's wrong. Maybe that's selfish. Maybe that's human. 

God is faithful, and He can make good come out of any situation if we let Him. A great friend recently told me that problems are just opportunities for miracles to happen. 

I would appreciate prayers that I could actually start believing that, living that and feeling that in my heart rather than continuing to try and convince myself that I believe it.

I've prayed a lot for God to teach me to fully depend on Him. Maybe this is a great opportunity to learn that lesson. 

Cast Your Cares

Hey everyone!

Those of you that have been reading these posts from the beginning know that the struggles with my health have been a continuous and unexpected part of my journey here in Cape Town in some pretty significant ways. I've had moments where I've been so discouraged and frustrated that I've considered going back home where I could put my full focus into figuring things out and getting healthy.

Since this last weekend, my heart has been in a much better place than it has recently been. God gave me a peace about everything and helped me to realize that I've had the wrong mindset about the situation. I had been thinking that I needed to get better before I could really start living life here and chase after what God wants me to do. But that isn't true. God can still use me - through it, despite it, because of it. 

My time here so far hasn't looked anything like what I had expected or planned, but God's timing and thoughts are better than mine. He called me here for this season of my life. Maybe experiencing this here with the people that are here is part of His plans to challenge me, help me grow and mold me into the person He created me to be. 

I recently watched a sermon by Joyce Meyer called "Moving Beyond Worry and Anxiety." In it, she talks about how God will do one of two things when we give our problems to Him. He'll either remove the problem or He will give us the strength, grace and ability to go through it. If He lets us go through it, then there's a purpose and something we're going to get out if it that we need. 

My tendency to worry and overthink is one of the things that I've been asking and working with God to overcome. I've watched a number of really great sermons on this topic. Steven Furtick's sermon "Brave the Waves (Anxious for Nothing)" is a really great one! Needless worry about things we can't control is something I think we've probably all experienced. I love Joyce Meyer's quote, "Worry is a down payment on a problem you might never have." 

All of this isn't to say that I'm suddenly completely fine with having these health issues and that it will be smooth sailing from here on out. I'm sure I'll still have moments of doubt and discouragement. I'm still praying and believing for healing and answers, but trust that God will reveal those if and when He's ready and that He has a plan through it all. He's teaching me, more than ever before, to truly surrender and depend on Him. 

Switching topics, I mentioned a couple of posts ago that my story would be featured on the "Brave" website soon. It was posted last month and I wanted to be sure to give the link to anyone that is interested in checking it out. There are so many incredible stories and testimonies of faith being shared through this movement. I have been helping out a bit with the social media effort for Brave, and I continue to be inspired and encouraged after reading the stories each week!

Encounter Conference, a conference for youth and young adults, is happening Wednesday through Friday of this week. I'm incredibly excited for that! And, possibly even more exciting, my mom and brother will be arriving in Cape Town in less than two weeks! I absolutely cannot wait for them to get here. 

I'm going to try to start being more diligent with posting on here. I honestly wasn't sure if anyone was really keeping up with me, but my mom told me a few days ago that people were noticing it had been about a month since my last post. It was awesome to hear that people are reading! Thank you all for your prayers and support. I would love to hear from you guys!

Below are a few recent photos! 

The two at the top, Alex and Daniel, were in Cape Town for a week after finishing
five months of missions work in other parts of Africa. They're both from Germany.
It was awesome getting to know them and hearing their stories.
 God opens doors in such incredible ways!

I have the most incredible team! This picture was taken about a week ago
as we were saying goodbye to one of our volunteers from England.
She was here for three months as part of a gap year program.

My friendships with Phil and Norbert continue to be such an incredible blessing.
 God sure knows how to bring the right people together! 

Write the Future

Hey everyone!

As I'm sitting here writing this post, I'm bundled up in sweatshirt and jacket listening to the sounds of wind and rain from the storm going on outside. Hello, winter in South Africa! I definitely underestimated how cold it would get here. If I were to compare it to a season in America, I'd say it's probably closest to our spring, but just a little bit colder. I think the part that has taken the most getting used to is the absence of heating systems in houses here. It does actually get quite chilly sometimes, especially at night. But I'm someone that would choose cold weather over hot weather any day, so I haven't minded too much.

Load-shedding is another part of living in South Africa that has taken some getting used to. There's a national electricity shortage in South Africa and, in order to balance out the supply and demand, they often have to interrupt or cut off power for certain periods of time. Those periods generally last for two and a half hours. The time of day it happens depends on what stage of severity we are in and on the load-shedding schedule, which has the city divided up into different areas. Here's a link to the schedule.

When we're in Stage 1, the power might go out during our scheduled time. In Stage 2, it definitely will. It's hard to keep track of because the stages change every day and often aren't announced ahead of time. It is an inconvenience sometimes, especially when it happens from 6 - 8:30 p.m. when it's dark and you can't cook dinner. I'm planning on having some friends over for dinner on Wednesday night, but if we're in Stage 2, we'll have load-shedding from 6-8:30. I'm praying that we won't be! Haha. 

It has been a busy and eventful last few weeks at church and work. I'm continuing to make strides on the newsletter and other projects, one of our Lights On after-school programs had a record attendance of 127 kids last week, and Hillsong celebrated it's 7th year of building the church in South Africa this last Sunday! Exciting things all around!

Last weekend, I took a road trip up to Boulders Beach with a few of my closest friends here where we got to hang out with some African penguins living in their natural habitat. We also tried to drive up to Cape Point, the southern most part of Africa, to catch the sunset.  We were a little delayed and they had already closed the gates by the time we got there, but the breathtaking views of the mountains and the ocean along the way were more than worth the trip. It was probably one of the most fun days I've had here yet! 

Today is a public holiday in South Africa, so we have the day off from work. After talking with my boss a few days ago, I'm also going to be taking the rest of this week to rest and work from home. The last few weeks have been quite busy, and my face rash and other symptoms have been acting up again recently. I've also started to get more frequent headaches and have been very tired and dizzy. We're starting to wonder if the initial diagnosis might be incorrect. Although it is frustrating and I want nothing more than to be able to participate and make the most of my time here, I also know that I need to let myself heal first. It is such a blessing that I am able to do that!

I'm planning to use this week to re-focus on my relationship with God. I've been so worried and distracted with things lately that I've really felt myself pulling back. There are so many topics in my heart that I feel God telling me to dig further into and explore with Him - who I am, my strengths and weaknesses, spiritual gifts, who I hope to be, where I want to go, the visions and dreams I have for my life. I'm going to start writing my future. Norbert and Phil gave me a notebook with the words "Write The Future" on the front about a month ago, and I think I've found the perfect use for it. 

Today, I started out by reminding myself who I am according to God - who we all are according to God.

We are: 

• His children:
• "See how great a love the Father has bestowed on us, that we would be called children of God." - 1 John 3:2

• Unconditionally and fiercely loved: 
• "For God so loved the world that He gave His only son, that whoever believes in Him should not perish, but have eternal life." - John 3:16
• "... neither death nor life, nor angels nor demons, nor things present nor things to come, nor any powers, nor height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation will be able to separate us from the love of God that is in Christ Jesus our Lord." - Romans 8:38-39

• Washed free from sin through Christ:
• "Because of His great love for us, God, who is rich in mercy, made us alive in Christ even when we were dead in transgressions - it is by grace you have been saved." - Ephesians 2:4-5

• A new creation in Him:
• "Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, he is a new creation. The old has gone, the new has come." -  2 Corinthians 5:17

• Made in His image: 
• "So God created mankind in his own image, in the image of God He created them; male and female he created them." - Genesis 1:27
• "But now, O Lord, you are our Father; we are the clay, and you are our potter; we are th work of your hand." - Isaiah 64:8

• Intimately known by Him. He knows your name: 
• "For you formed my inward parts; you knitted me together in my mother's womb. I praise you, for I am fearfully and wonderfully made." - Psalm 139:14

• Created for good works:
• "For we are God's handiwork, created in Christ Jesus to do good works, which God prepared us in advance to do." - Ephesians 2:10

• An important part of His plan: 
• "For I know the plans I have for you, says the Lord. Plans for prosper and not for evil, to give you a hope and a future." - Jeremiah 29:11

• Called for a purpose: 
• "And we know that those who love God all things work together for good, for those who are called according to His purpose." - Romans 8:28

• Strong and wise in Him: 
• "Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding. In all of your ways acknowledge him and he will make straight your paths." - Proverbs 3:5-6
• "But they who wait for the Lord shall renew their strength; they shall mount up with wings like eagles, they shall run and not be weary; they shall walk and not faint." - Isaiah 40:31

• Made to be a light in the darkness: 
• "You are the light of the world. A town built on a hill cannot be hidden." - Matthew 5:14

He Has Equipped You For The Task

I am incredibly happy to report that things with my health have begun to improve! After multiple visits and conversations with doctors both here and back at home, I think we have found a course of treatment that will, slowly but surely, start to get things under control. 

There are times that I have been quite frustrated and discouraged during these last couple of weeks. For the most part, I have been house-bound and have only left for doctors appointments, a couple of trips to the grocery store and a few sunset walks on the beach. It has been a bit lonely, but it is such a blessing that I have been able to do my work from home and take this time to recover. I'm itching to get back to church and to the office! I have had some visitors, but I can't wait to be back and see everyone again. My plan is to go in on Thursday and see how things go from there.

Although it's hard to understand exactly why this is happening, especially now when I'm away from home, I know that God is bigger than all of it. I've never felt God give me more clear direction than when He sent me here. Maybe my visa came back for longer than expected because He knew this would be part of the journey. I know He brought me here at this specific time for a reason, and that He has a plan through it all. I'm trying to keep my mind fixed on that as I continue to move forward.

About a month ago, luckily before I had to start staying out of the sun, I was part of a photo shoot for an organization called Brave. It was founded by an incredible woman that also is here volunteering for HAF. The purpose of Brave is to encourage and empower people to step out in their faith and follow God's purpose for their lives. 

The photos will be used on the website and for a social media campaign that is launching this week! Each Friday for the next couple of months, a new story will be introduced via social media and also placed on the website. Mine will be featured within the bunch at some point. I'm excited to read all of the inspirational stories and am honored to be part of such an exciting movement!

Don't be afraid to listen to and chase after what God puts in your heart. Trust Him. It won't always be easy, but He has equipped you for the task that He has called you to do. He will be with you. He will watch over you. He will guide your steps. 

"Whether you turn to the right or to the left, your ears will hear a voice behind you, saying, 'This is the way; walk in it.'” - Isaiah 30:21

"For we are God’s handiwork, created in Christ Jesus to do good works, which God prepared in advance for us to do." - Ephesians 2:10

"The Lord himself goes before you and will be with you; He will never leave you nor forsake you. Do not be afraid; do not be discouraged."  - Deuteronomy 31:8

Ten Things I Have Learned Since Arriving in Cape Town

In no particular order, here is a list of ten lighthearted, random things I have learned about myself, Cape Town and life in general since moving here. 

1) When someone says, "I'll see you just now," they don't actually mean that. When I first arrived here, I noticed so many people would say things like, "I'll see you just now," "I'm coming just now" or "I'll do that just now." I assumed that meant that I would see them in a few minutes or that they'd make that thing the next item on their list to do. I have learned that "just now" can mean in one hour, in two days or never at all. Here, if you're actually going to see someone or do something right away, you say "now now" instead of "just now." 

2) I actually prefer driving on the left-hand side of the road and right-hand side of the car. Yes, I'm serious. Get on board, America! Now that I've gone through the initial scary transition, I've discovered that driving this way actually feels a lot more natural for me. I still get nervous in high-traffic and unfamiliar driving situations, as I always have. But when I'm driving to church or places I have been before, I actually really enjoy it. Maybe it has something to do with  me being left-handed. Whatever it is, I have a feeling that switching back when I move home again won't be easy.

3) DVD players on laptops have region blocks. I bought several movies at a store in a shopping center just down the road. When I tried to play one that evening, I was surprised with an error message that read, "Disc is of a different region. Cannot playback." Apparently almost all commercial DVDs are region coded, which allows them to only be played in areas of that region. North America is in Region 1 and South Africa in Region 2. After several days of trying to find a legal solution to the problem, I discovered that VLC Media Player will play a disc from any region. If anyone is traveling in the future and comes across this problem, I suggest downloading the program!

4) The Celsius to Fahrenheit conversion doesn't make any sense. °C x 9/5 + 32 = °F - Who came up with that? Although I still tend to think in Fahrenheit rather than Celsius, I am thankful for the handy converter on my phone when I need it. 

5) Food products tend to be cheaper here, while clothing tends to be more expensive. I'm still surprised at how much food I can buy for such a small amount of money! This applies to food at most restaurants as well as grocery stores. Every time I go grocery shopping, I often find the bill being half of what I would expect it to be. On the other hand, clothing is significantly more expensive. Forever 21 is one of my favorite stores back in the states. They have the store here as well, and it was one of the places I went when I was doing some winter clothes shopping a few weeks ago. Most items there were about 30-40 percent higher in price than they probably would have been back in the States.

6) I need to start cooking more. I have known this for awhile. I love baking, but for some reason, cooking has always been a struggle for me. Being completely on my own in a new country has made be realize even more how much I need to stop relying on making sandwiches and salads everyday. It's time to get more creative. I've actually been doing pretty well the last couple of weeks!

7) Almost every car or driving term is referred to as something different here than in the States. Trunks are called "boots," horns are called "hooters," turn signals are called "indicators," traffic lights are called "robots," round-a-bouts are called "traffic circles." Speaking of round-a-bouts, they are my worst nightmare here. 

8) I am terrible at recognizing different accents. Sometimes I won't even realize that the person I'm talking to is also from the States until they directly say so. After they tell me, I listen more closely and it then becomes incredibly obvious. I'm trying to get better at paying attention to different accents and being able to recognize where people are from without having to ask.

9) I have become addicted to chocolate biscuits. Biscuits are a big thing here! The Baker's brand is my favorite. I find myself buying a couple of packages every time I go grocery shopping. There are still so many kinds I want to try. It's almost a problem. Here's the link to their website: http://www.bakers.co.za/

10) Cape Town is the most beautiful place I have ever been. Hands down, no question. I have fallen head over heels in love with this city, these people, Hillsong church and my job. I am beyond thankful and blessed to be here. 

On a more serious note, I want to end this post by asking for continued prayers for my health. The several doctors I have been to here, for the most part, agree on the diagnosis, but we just haven't been able to pinpoint exactly what form of treatment will start helping things improve rather than continue to get worse. I stayed home from work most of last week because it is about as bad as it has been yet, and the most recent doctor I went to suggested taking a few days off to avoid both putting anything on my face and going out into the sun. I'm pretty desperate for answers and relief, and have found myself being tested spiritually, emotionally and physically in some pretty significant ways. I'm so thankful to have such an incredible support system both here and back at home. This morning, I opened up JD Greear's book "Gospel" to this section that I had underlined months back when I first read it. It provided some comfort for me, and I hope it does the same for anyone else that may be going through a tough situation. 

Growth Requires Change

Hey everyone, 

I apologize for the significant delay in posting an update! I'm taking advantage of the day off to rest and get caught up on a few things, including this blog. :)

I want to quickly say thank you to everyone that commented, emailed or sent me a message to tell me they were praying after my last post. The appointment with the doctor went fairly well. He is confident that the course of treatment he has placed me on will cause symptoms to subside and says I should start seeing significant improvement within the next couple of weeks. I am very hopeful that this plan will start getting me back on the right track!

In other exciting news, I bought a car! Yes, I'm learning to drive on the opposite side of the car and the road in another country and in a big city where it is often considered optional to follow the rules of the road. Being from a small town in the middle of Kansas, the idea of this did cause a little stress! I don't even enjoy driving in city traffic back at home, and I never thought I'd be brave enough to even consider trying this. However, the transition is going much smoother than I expected it would. Although I have had a couple of small scares, I haven't hit a curb while turning left, driven into oncoming traffic or ran into anyone or anything.

Having a car has already been such a blessing. It is giving me so much more freedom to explore and get around, and I am able to help transport others in need of rides as well. It will still take some getting used to though. A couple of days ago, I got into my car, put my seat belt on and lifted my arm up to put the key in the ignition before realizing that the steering wheel was on the complete opposite side of the car. Ha! The car is a 2003 Nissan Almera. My plan is to sell it before I return home. 

Colour Conference was March 13-16. As I mentioned previously, I attended the first one and was signed up to serve during the second. Unfortunately, I came down with a stomach bug the night after the first conference ended and stayed home sick through the entire second one. Those were a somewhat disappointing and lonely two days since everyone I know in South Africa was in one place while I was in another, but I am so thankful that I stayed healthy enough to attend the first one. It was absolutely incredible! All of our campuses gathered for church together at the Grand West Arena on the Sunday following the second conference. To the left is a photo of me, Norbert and Phil in the Hillsong welcome shirts. Since the Grand West facility is so much larger than our Century City church campus, we were asked to join the Welcome Team before the first service. The entire day was such an awesome celebration! The first two photos below are from church together and the second two are from Colour.

We had Monday - Wednesday off after Colour week, and I spent those days buying my car, catching up on sleep and spending time with friends. It is amazing how much the people I have met have quickly become like family. Below is a photo from a little braai (Afrikaans for barbecue) get-together some of us had last Tuesday night. 

I had my first big driving adventure last Friday night when I drove to the Hillsong campus in Mitchell's Plain for the weekly youth gathering. Phil spoke the message that evening, so me and Norbert wanted to be there to listen to and support him as well as experience what youth is like there on Friday nights. The following day, the three of us ventured down to The Castle of Good Hope, which is an old 17th century military fort. It is a fairly big tourist attraction in Cape Town, so we thought we'd check it out. After that, we went to a popular beach area called Big Bay for dinner. 

This last week at work was a busy one! We are starting to move things forward with a plan for the newsletter and an official social media content plan. I've also joined the small team that will be creating a magazine for HAF's Family+1 adoption education and support program. All of the interns in the year-long church internship program currently are on a week-long holiday. It will be a different atmosphere without all of them up in the office next week, but I'm excited to keep working on those projects.

For another example of how my car has been a blessing, I drove Phil and Norbert to the airport early this morning so they could catch their flight to Johannesburg. They're spending the holiday week there. I was a little nervous about finding my way back home alone at 4 a.m., but I made it safely without any problems thanks to my phone's GPS, Siri and the lack of traffic at that time of the day.

Winter here is quickly approaching! The weather here tends to be quite unpredictable, but average winter temperatures are around 50-60 degrees Fahrenheit. Compared to Kansas winters, where temperatures can easily get down to the 20's, that doesn't seem bad at all. I have been warned, however, that I'll probably be colder than I'm expecting because winters here do get quite windy and rainy. We also are right by the sea and houses here don't have heating and cooling. The main winter months are June-August, but it has already started cooling down quite a bit over the last week or so. I'm interested to see what happens, and I hope everyone back in the States is enjoying the spring weather!

Since I have been here, and especially over the last couple of weeks, God has started to show me how much growing I have to do in my faith and walk with Him. There are some things that I am going to have to confront and work on within myself. The thought of that is a little scary because I know I'll have to get uncomfortable in order to work through them. But I also I know I have to start letting God peel back the layers in order to become more aware of His presence in my life, to further allow Him to mold me into the person He's made me to be and to chase after the plans He has for my life. Growth requires change. It is a far more dangerous thing to listen to fear! 

Spending time with God through consistently reading and reflecting on the Bible is one of the steps I'm going to take. Sitting down to read the Bible has always been a challenge for me. Starting today, my goal is to read through the New Testament in six months. I have a calendar set out and am planning on waking up 15-20 minutes earlier each day. This YouTube video that Norbert and Phil shared with me, "Coffee With God," really inspired me! It is more than worth the ten minutes. I'm excited to get started and to find out what God wants to reveal to me through His word. 

Prayer Request

Hey everyone, 

I just wanted to write a quick post to ask for some prayers. The illness that delayed my arrival here about a month ago is continuing to be a problem. Although it seemed to be getting better for a little while, it has come back with a vengeance. I also have been sick with some sort of stomach bug for the last couple of days, which has coincided with the increasing symptoms of this infection. I'm wondering if the two might be connected somehow. Some of my symptoms are starting to be very strange. I have an appointment with a highly recommended doctor next week. Prayers that he'll have the answers to get me back on the right track would be greatly appreciated! 

On the other hand, Colour Conference was amazing! I'm so thankful I was well enough to attend the first conference on Wednesday and Thursday. I'll definitely be writing a post about it soon.

Thank you all so much!